20 Tips to Let Things Go And Fully Release Control

Have you ever found it challenging to let go of anger, resentment, or control, despite your best efforts?

I want to reassure you: You possess the strength to release, to advance, and to shape a life that’s even more remarkable than the one you’ve known.

Whether you’re dealing with relinquishing control, releasing resentment, or calming anger, finding peace is within reach.

Before we explore further…

We are honored to assist you on your journey to emotional clarity and self-discovery! If navigating these challenges feels overwhelming, please remember that all content on this website is meant for guidance and is not intended as professional medical advice.

It is always best to consult a doctor or licensed therapist with any questions or concerns in regards to your physical or mental health. For a good resource for therapists, you can check out 1Mental Health America’s helpful list.

Why Is it So Hard to Let Go?

Intense emotions, such as anger or betrayal, can provoke significant brain and ^{2psychological reactions} that can lead to 3anxiety and depression.

This can lead to changes in the brain, a phenomenon known as ^{4neuroplasticity,} which makes it more challenging to let go of emotions, especially when they stem from events that cause emotional pain. These memories, imprinted in the 5amygdala, become deeply embedded in our emotional framework, rendering them tough to release.

Letting go of emotions and control, particularly if there was betrayal or a shift in identity, is daunting due to the intricate nature of the brain.

Letting go is a gradual journey.

It usually doesn’t happen overnight but unfolds over days and months or even years.

It’s a somber truth, but pain can be a transformative tool for growth, provided you take appropriate steps to move forward and eventually let go.

But how?

Forgive And Let Go of Resentment

Set yourself free through the act of forgiving.

Studies in psychology indicate that the act of forgiveness can enhance mental health, leading to lower levels of stress, anxiety, and depression. It engages areas of the brain linked to empathy, compassion, and the management of emotions, as highlighted by recent research into the 6neurobiology of forgiveness.

Holding onto resentment, anger, fear, or other negative emotions only weighs you down and prevents you from moving forward, no matter what emotions you are experiencing. As Maya Angelou said, “Forgiveness is the greatest gift you can give yourself.”

You can:

• Release resentment to ease your emotional burden and forgive past mistakes.
• View forgiveness as self-liberation, relieving yourself from past weights.
• Release grudges, moving ahead unencumbered by negativity.
• Strive to empathize with others’ viewpoints and experiences.

Remember: Sure, it’s easy to say these things. But forgiveness isn’t a switch you can flip overnight. It takes time, care, and a whole lot of patience. So, go easy on yourself.

Action Step: Daily or even weekly, try repeating positive mantras in your head to gradually replace your negative thoughts and emotions. Here is one amazing guided meditation you can use on repeat, based on the ancient Hawaiian prayer/mantra of ho’oponopono:

Release the Need for Control and Approval

Remember, neither situations nor emotions and thoughts should dictate your self-esteem or joy.

If you find yourself rationalizing poor treatment or feeding self-critical thoughts, it’s crucial to acknowledge that these may not reflect your true values or merit your energy. Outer allure does not compensate for actions that consistently disregard your value.

Actions to take:

• Recognize Harmful Patterns: Perhaps a colleague consistently takes credit for your ideas during team meetings, or a supervisor minimizes your contributions in performance reviews. Recognizing these actions as detrimental patterns is the first step towards addressing them. It’s about seeing the pattern of behavior that consistently makes you feel undervalued or overlooked in your professional capacity.
• End Justifications: If a coworker often dismisses your input during collaborative projects, citing vague reasons like “We’re going in a different direction,” it’s essential to stop justifying this behavior as being “for the team’s sake” and see it for what it is: a lack of respect for your professional opinion and contributions. No more excusing such behavior as merely part of workplace dynamics; instead, it’s critical to address the issue directly or seek support from a manager or HR.
• Cease the Pursuit: Suppose you’re in a situation where your manager constantly sets unrealistic deadlines, ignores your feedback, and gaslights you by suggesting you’re not committed enough when you can’t meet these demands. In this case, “ceasing the pursuit” might mean requesting a transfer to a different department, seeking mentorship elsewhere, or even considering new employment opportunities where your skills and contributions are valued and respected.

And if you tell yourself you’re not good at social cues, no worries! We’ve got you covered:

Choose To Move On

It takes courage to move on.

Your feelings are real. They affect your moods. You can almost see them. So how do we move on?

First, by choosing to.

Some people can’t move on because they haven’t decided to. From the book ^{7The Perception of Pain} by Ronald Melzack, some people tend to think pain makes them special. You may not admit it, but you can’t divorce yourself from the identity and self-justifications pain has brought you.

Pain, including negative emotions, is a part of life, but you’re not meant to live your life there. It may help to consciously choose to move away from it, despite how hard it is.

And it starts with the decision to move by:

• Identify and Express Your Feelings: Recognize and name your emotions (this emotions wheel may come in handy)—whether it’s anger, sadness, or frustration. Understand that while these feelings are valid, they are not your entirety. They are transient states, not permanent labels.
• Choose Active Release: Actively decide to let go of the chains of sorrow. This could mean setting aside time each day to reflect, meditate (like using the meditation mantras in the first tip), or engage in activities that shift your focus from past hurts to present possibilities.
• Reject the Comfort of Suffering: Challenge the notion that your pain is a unique badge of honor. Recognize that this belief can trap you in a cycle of unhappiness. Embrace the idea that your true uniqueness stems from your ability to overcome challenges and grow.
• Pledge to Pursue Recovery: Make a concrete commitment to your healing journey. This could be writing a letter of forgiveness (to yourself or others), starting therapy, or establishing a routine that prioritizes your mental and emotional health. Choose a step that signifies moving away from old wounds and towards a healthier, more balanced future.

Affirm Your Worth

Research indicates that positive self-affirmations can enhance self-esteem, self-efficacy, and overall well-being. Neuroscientific studies suggest that repeating affirmations can induce neural changes, potentially reshaping thought patterns towards positivity and empowerment.

If you feel more worth, it will be easier to let go.

Empower your self-image through the transformative practice of affirmations. Craft personalized mantras that deeply resonate with your values and aspirations.

Here’s how:

• Craft personalized affirmations: Reflect on what matters most to you and create affirmations that align with your authentic self. Mantras that move in the direction of who or what you want to become might be more helpful. For example, if you’re dealing with resentment, you may find this mantra helpful: “May I be free from mental suffering and release control.”
• Establish a daily routine: Set aside dedicated times each day to repeat your affirmations, such as in the morning, during breaks, or before bed. Find a consistent time that works for you and prioritize it!
• Use affirmations in tough moments: When you face self-doubt or insecurity, recite your affirmations to bolster confidence and resilience.

For more insights, try this: 417 Daily Positive Affirmations For Personal Growth

Cultivate Personal Healing Space

Everyone is entitled to kindness and respect, not just in current relationships but also in how we handle past ones. If you create a healing space for yourself it will be easier to let go.

Establishing and maintaining clear personal boundaries as a crucial step in the process of healing and moving forward. If reminders from social media impede your progress, implementing boundaries such as unfollowing or blocking can provide the mental space needed for recovery.

By putting your mental health first and implementing boundaries that facilitate emotional detachment, you’re not just letting go; you’re growing.

But first, you have to:

• Clarify Emotional Triggers: Concretely list the behaviors, digital or otherwise, that link you to past pain—be it old messages, shared pictures, or mutual friends’ posts. Identify these triggers and decide the nature of boundaries needed to shield your well-being.
• Enact Digital Detoxification: Take a systematic approach to your social media. If seeing your former partner’s updates brings discomfort, use the block or mute function as a shield for your peace. Make it a planned, thoughtful action—perhaps accompanied by a small ceremony or personal affirmation to mark the significance of this step towards self-care.
• Adhere to Your Healing Protocol: Treat your personal boundaries as sacred. Remind yourself daily of the reasons behind them. If tempted to check in on old flames or bypass set boundaries, have a coping strategy ready—this could be a list of reasons you set these boundaries, a supportive friend to call, or a healthy activity to divert your attention.

For more helpful tips, try this: How to Set Boundaries: 5 Ways to Draw the Line Politely

Remember: Setting boundaries is not selfish. If unfollowing or unfriending them on social media can create the space you need to heal, let go, and move forward, then it’s worth it.

Renew Your Mind

Situations don’t really have power over us. Research suggests that our minds have the capacity to reshape our perspectives. Enhance your response to negative past reflections by employing the PRR Method:

• Pause: When a negative thought surfaces, stop everything. Take a deep breath and disengage from whatever you’re doing.
• Reflect: Analyze the thought critically when you have enough space from it. Is it real? Is it just a fabrication in the mind? Does it control you? Can you find curiosity, playfulness, or peace amidst the emotions? Reflect on the context and your feelings, distinguishing between fact and assumption.
• Reframe: Transform the thought into a more positive, realistic perspective. Challenge the initial negative interpretation and replace it with one that acknowledges your growth, resilience, and the lessons learned. This reframe should empower you, highlight your strengths, and open up a pathway to a more optimistic outlook.

For instance, ff you’re dwelling on your ex, PAUSE. Take a breath and ask why. Is it nostalgia or fear? REFLECT on the root cause. Understand why these memories linger. Then REFRAME your thoughts. Instead of seeing the breakup as a failure, view it as a chance to grow. Focus on lessons learned and future possibilities.

Instead of fixating on the shortcomings of the past, redirect your focus towards the valuable lessons learned and the growth opportunities they presented.

Remember: 

• When negative thoughts arise, pause and take a deep breath.
• Analyze the thought objectively: “Is it based on facts or assumptions?”
• Challenge the negative thought by asking yourself: “How else could I interpret this situation?”
• Write down affirmations or positive statements to counteract recurring negative thoughts.

Remember, every setback is a setup for a comeback!

Practice Mindfulness

Unlock emotional freedom with mindfulness by incorporating simple mindfulness practices into your daily life to find inner peace.

Allocate a few moments each day to engage in:

• deep breathing exercises
• conduct body scanning
• or participate in mindful meditation sessions

Embrace a mindset of curiosity and acceptance towards your thoughts and emotions, permitting them to flow without restraint. You can try to:

• Dedicate at least 5 minutes daily to mindfulness exercises. Over time, you’ll be able to focus better and longer with less distracting thoughts.
• Use mindfulness apps to assist your practice.
• Keep a journal to track your progress.
• Attend mindfulness workshops or retreats to deepen your understanding and practice.

Engage in Hobbies

It takes intentional effort to prioritize your well-being during tough times. Just as moving on takes courage, investing time in hobbies is a conscious choice for your happiness.

During tough times, remember to surround yourself with positivity. Try to:

• Discover your passions by finding what excites you, whether it’s new hobbies towards new experiences or new interests to prioritize self-care by dedicating time to these activities.
• Try installing different hobby apps and schedule hobby time as essential self-care appointments.
• Enjoy the journey of learning and growth without fixating on perfection.

Keep in mind that the road of progress holds as much value as reaching your goal. Every experience, be it effortless or demanding, builds strength and wisdom. Embrace each twist and turn as a unique opportunity for personal enrichment.

Looking for fresh ideas? Check out: 40 Productive (And Fun) Things to Do When You’re Bored

Write It Down

You’ve got all these thoughts buzzing around in your head which makes it hard to let go of control, right?

Write them down.

Now is the time to put those heavy thoughts on paper—-whether it’s anger, bad (or good) memories, regrets, betrayal—-write it down, speak it out, get on camera, visualize, or find a creative outlet (more on that next).

This is where you might start to see patterns, understand your emotions better, reflect and gain insights you never knew you had

Research shows that journaling can help reduce stress, improve mood, and enhance overall well-being by promoting self-reflection and emotional processing. This allows you to:

• identify themes
• manage stress more effectively
• practice positive self-talk
• identify and reduce unhelpful thoughts and behaviors

Here’s how:

• Set the scene: Find a cozy spot, brew some tea, and set the mood. Comfortable surroundings inspire creativity and openness.
• Pour your heart out: Let your thoughts and feelings flow freely onto the pages. Don’t mind grammar or structure—this is your personal space to be authentic.
• Reflect and Understand: Reflect on your experiences, challenges, and triumphs, seeking deeper understanding and insight.
• Track your journey: Track your progress over time by documenting your thoughts, emotions, and goals—-whether during lunch, before (or after) dinner—-track it.
• Release negativity: Write down pent-up emotions or negative thoughts holding you back.

Remember, this journal is your personal space for self-discovery and growth. Approach it with an open heart and curious mind, leading you closer to your true self.

Take Up A Creative Outlet

Creative activities such as painting, doodling, or collaging trigger brain reward pathways, promoting satisfaction and emotional release.

A journal from psychiatrist and psychology experts indicates that creative activities help the brain cope with emotions, serving as coping mechanisms, and contribute to mental well-being.

Here are some creative outlets you can lean on:

Visual Arts

• Skillshare offers thousands of classes on drawing, painting, and other visual arts.
• Drawspace provides drawing lessons and tutorials for beginners to advanced artists.
• DeviantArt is an online community where artists share their work and connect with others.

Crafting

• Craftsy offers online classes on various crafts including knitting, sewing, and jewelry making.
• Instructables features step-by-step tutorials for DIY projects and crafts.

Music

• PianoLessons offers online piano lessons for all skill levels.
• Singing Success provides vocal training programs and resources for singers.

Remember, creativity knows no bounds—allow yourself to explore, experiment, and express without inhibition.

Seek Adventure

Explore new places not just to distract yourself, but also to rediscover the beauty of life’s possibilities.

Research shows that novelty and exploration stimulate the brain’s reward system, promoting feelings of happiness and satisfaction.

Venture into the unknown to:

• Expand your horizons and create new memories.
• Remind yourself that life holds joy beyond the pain.

Try to:

• Explore new places and activities weekly.
• Utilize travel apps such as Citymapper or PackPoint to find nearby destinations.
• Connect with adventure groups or clubs to share experiences and meet others at Adventure.com.

These adventures serve as gentle nudges, reminding you that life is full of possibilities and not as harsh as it may sometimes seem.

Change by Switching Up Your Style

Step out of your comfort zone by experimenting with different aspects of your personal style, whether it’s your fashion choices, daily routines, or hairstyle.

Studies suggest that embracing change and novelty in personal style can enhance self-esteem and promote a sense of empowerment.

And that stepping out of your comfort zone fosters personal growth and expands your horizons, according to the psychology of style and self-expression.

Challenge yourself to:

• Explore new clothing styles: Visit local thrift stores or online clothing platforms for unique pieces you haven’t worn before. Experiment with bold colors, patterns, or styles outside your usual choices.
• Revamp your daily routine: Start by changing small habits in your daily routine. Instead of coffee, opt for herbal tea or a fruit smoothie in the morning. Take a different route to work or explore a new exercise routine.
• Play with hairstyles: For a fresh look, try a new haircut, change your parting, or explore braids, curls, or updos. Find tutorials online or consult a hairstylist for ideas tailored to your face shape and hair type.

Embracing change in your personal style can:

• Boost confidence through new looks and self-expression.
• Spark creativity by stepping out of the familiar.
• Develop adaptability and resilience by embracing novelty and change.

For more helpful tips, try this! 50+ Best Ways You Can Step Out of Your Comfort Zone

Build Supportive Connections

Build healing connections by finding a supportive community of people who get you.

Research suggests that forming healthy connections with oneself and others is key to coping with painful experiences and moving on from them. Feeling connected to supportive communities reduces stress and depression while increasing life satisfaction.

Remember: Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Seeking support is not a sign of weakness, but a strength. You’re not alone in this journey.

You can:

• Join local support groups, online forums, or online communities relevant to your experiences.
• Attend workshops to meet like-minded individuals.
• Share your story openly and listen empathetically to others.

Limit Exposure to Triggers

What makes you tick? What causes you to feel resentment or afraid or feel the need to be in control?

Study suggests that avoiding reminders can weaken emotional connections, making it easier to cope with memories. Managing triggers takes time and effort, but it can significantly improve your emotional well-being in the long run.

Try to:

• Identify triggers: Notice places, activities, or social media content that stir memories of the person.
• Minimize exposure: Stay away from places you both visited and unfollow them on social media to reduce reminders.
• Replace triggers: Discover new activities or locations to replace old ones, diminishing the chances of encountering reminders.

Once you spot these triggers and start using tricks to handle them like a pro, you’ll find their grip on your day-to-day loosening up.

Declutter Digital Spaces to Move Forward

This study looks at how people handle digital possessions post-breakup, finding they often evoke strong emotions. It suggests intentional letting go is helpful and offers design ideas like automated collection, self-regulation tools, artifact creation, and shared possession platforms.

Those reminders from past relationships? Anger, resentment, and other negative emotions can follow.

Resist following through with them.

Then, hit delete.

It’s not just about clearing space on your device. It’s a powerful move that says, “I’m closing this chapter for good”, giving yourself the freedom to move forward without looking back.

You have to take proactive steps to declutter your digital space by systematically deleting all voicemails, messages, and emails exchanged with people that cause you anger, resentment, or other negative emotions.

And to avoid that temptation, you have to:

• go through all of your accounts and delete every single message they sent
• do not recall
• resist the urge to revisit past conversations that may reignite longing or sadness

Create an Emotional Release Soundtrack

Design a unique, personalized soundtrack that captures the range of emotions you’re looking to release, such as anger, resentment, and the need for control.

Begin by selecting songs that speak to the emotions you’re currently experiencing. It could be fear. It could be anger. Resentment. Or, any and all of the above.

Now, start by allowing yourself to fully feel and acknowledge these feelings. Then, gradually transition to tracks that embody letting go, forgiveness, self-compassion, and finally, empowerment and new beginnings.

Set aside time for yourself where you can listen to this soundtrack without interruption. Create a safe, comfortable space, and as you listen, allow yourself to experience and move through each emotion. Visualize each song washing over you, taking with it a piece of your anger or resentment, and replacing it with a sense of calm, clarity, or empowerment.

Write An Unsent Letter

Put all of your emotions in writing. Inform your ex lover of your pain. Simply use the opportunity to express some of your feelings while writing down both the positive and negative recollections. 

BUT, don’t send it.

Expressive writing can result in a reduction in stress, anxiety, and depression. 8Psychological research suggests that expressive writing, such as composing a letter about a troubling emotion, has been shown to facilitate emotional processing and reduce psychological distress.

Here’s how:

• Settle into a comfortable environment, free from distractions to engage in the writing process.
• Pour out your emotions onto paper.
• Write authentically, expressing the depth of your emotions without self-censorship.
• Offer yourself kindness and understanding as you articulate your feelings, acknowledging their validity without judgment.
• Integrate lessons into your story.

Lastly, seal the letter—or, crumple it into a ball and toss it.

This exercise offers a release, allowing you to process emotions freely, without seeking a response or reconciliation. Close this chapter symbolically, showing your commitment to progress.

Allow Yourself to Grieve

This might be the hardest part of the process. 

When experiencing loss, whether it be close ties with a family member, the end of a significant identity, or any other type of loss, it is normal to go through various 9stages of grief—-denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

And by acknowledging and honoring these emotions—-rather than suppressing or ignoring it, you can overcome pain, which leads to healing and letting go.

But, in order to feel the lightness, you have to release the weights. Give yourself permission:

• to cry
• to experience anger
• or feel empty

Acknowledging and processing those emotions is essential for restoration and shifting on. It would help to: 

• Accept these emotions without self-judgment.
• Write, talk to a friend or^{10 therapist,} or do something creative.
• Be patient. Give yourself time and kindness as you heal.

Bear in mind, grieving is a natural and necessary way towards healing and letting go, leading you to moving forward in a positive direction.

Tune Into Inspiration

A study reviewed by medical professionals and experts shows that listening to positive and uplifting content can stimulate the release of ^11dopamine, the feel-good neurotransmitter, leading to increased motivation and mood enhancement.

When you’re seeking motivation and upliftment, podcasts and audiobooks offer a wealth of wisdom and encouragement at your fingertips.

Here’s how:

• Immerse yourself in podcasts and audiobooks for inspiration across personal growth, storytelling, and humor.
• Kickstart your mornings with positivity! Fuel your commute or workouts with diverse perspectives and motivational content.
• Draw passion and purpose from success stories, motivational speeches, and goal tips.
• Reflect on the wisdom gained, integrating actionable insights into your life for continuous personal growth.

Check out these:

• TED Talks: Explore a vast library of TED Talks on topics ranging from science and technology to personal growth and creativity. Check out our founders TEDx London talk which has over 4 million views:

• 12Audible: Access a wide selection of audiobooks across genres, including bestsellers, classics, and exclusive content.
• 13The School of Greatness: Talk with inspiring individuals who share their stories of overcoming challenges and achieving greatness.
• 14The Happiness Lab: Explore the science of happiness and well-being through engaging stories and practical strategies for leading a more fulfilling life.

Embrace Alternative Healing Modalities

When traditional methods don’t seem to provide the relief you seek, alternative healing modalities can offer new avenues for healing and well-being. 

Alternative healing like acupuncture, massage, and energy work may impact physical and mental health by promoting relaxation, reducing stress, and improving overall well-being, although results may vary for each individual.

Some examples are:

• Acupuncture: A traditional Chinese medicine practice that involves inserting thin needles into specific points on the body to stimulate energy flow and promote healing
• Massage: A hands-on therapy that involves manipulating the soft tissues of the body to promote relaxation, reduce muscle tension, and improve circulation
• Energy work: A form of therapy that involves manipulating the body’s energy fields to promote healing and balance, such as Reiki.

Pro Tip: Try a trial session before committing long-term to see if it’s a good fit. Not all alternative healing methods work for everyone, nor might they be rooted in science. This helps you gauge effectiveness and ensure a personalized experience.

You can visit trusted websites such as:

• 15The American Massage Therapy Association
• 16The National Certification Commission for Acupuncture and Oriental Medicine
• ^{17Energy Medicine Professional Association.}

These resources provide helpful info and directories for your journey to holistic well-being.

Why is it challenging for us to let go of deep-seated emotions like anger and resentment?

Letting go of ingrained emotions involves us to confront and untangle complex psychological and physiological responses. Emotions such as anger and resentment can trigger changes in the brain, activating areas linked to stress and memory, which in turn can affect our cognitive functions and emotional health.

Just as the body reacts to physical pain, our brains respond to emotional pain by increasing cortisol levels, which can exacerbate feelings of anger and hinder our ability to process and let go of these emotions effectively.

Moreover, revisiting past events in our minds can be a double-edged sword. While reflection is necessary for understanding and growth, dwelling excessively on negative experiences or viewing them through a distorted, overly pessimistic lens can reinforce feelings of bitterness and resentment, making it harder to move forward.

Instead of clinging to a narrative that fuels your anger, attempt to approach your memories with a balance of honesty and compassion.

Why do I want to let go of negative emotions?

Holding onto negative emotions—whether they stem from interpersonal conflicts, past grievances, or personal disappointments—can be likened to carrying the weight of an old, heavy chain. These emotions, while valid, can become as addictive as any substance when we continually replay past hurts or injustices in our minds.

When things are going well, this emotional investment can feel rewarding, but when circumstances change negatively, the emotional fallout is akin to a harsh withdrawal from a deep-seated habit. This can manifest physically and mentally as symptoms similar to withdrawal from a substance: heightened anxiety, profound sadness, disturbances in sleep, and an overall sense of discomfort.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) About How to Let Go

Key Takeaways To Remember:

• Acknowledge your power: Despite the pain of letting go, remember that you have the power to let go, move on, and create a fulfilling life.
• Understand emotional triggers: Intense emotional experiences wire our brains in ways that make it hard to move on from someone, especially if they caused distress.
• Face your emotions heads-on: Processing emotions like grief, anger, and sadness is crucial for healing and moving forward.
• Choose to move on: Make a conscious decision to move on from the pain and choose a path of healing and growth.
• Practice forgiveness: Forgiving others, as well as yourself, can lead to improved mental health outcomes and aid in letting go.
• Set healthy boundaries: Establishing boundaries is essential for protecting your well-being and creating emotional distance from someone you’re trying to let go.
• Embrace change: Embrace change in your personal style, routines, and physical activities to promote self-esteem and empowerment.
• Seek support: Building supportive connections and seeking help from others can aid in the healing process.

Moving on is a choice—a decision to leave the past behind and step into a brighter future.

So, armed with these tips, you’re ready to take on the journey of moving on and finding peace.

Good luck! I’m proud of you!
For further reading, learn about your emotions more: The Ultimate List of Emotions and How to Control Your Emotions