Conversations are essential in any relationship. Not sure what questions to ask? Use these conversation starters for couples to learn more about the person you care about.
Watch our video below to learn 20 conversation starters for couples:
How to Communicate Effectively as a Couple
According to research by University of Chicago, the degree of closeness to a person does not guarantee how effective your communication is.
It could be the opposite.
You may be a victim of the closeness-communication bias, which states that when you feel close to another person, you’re prone to omitting vital information and making ambiguous statements. Also, the person listening is prone to taking an egocentric approach to what is being said. In other words, they aren’t listening, and you aren’t communicating. At least not as effectively as you both think.
Asking good questions (and listening!) can help.
Use these conversation starters for couples, whether you’re just starting your relationship or you’ve been together for years.
Conversation Starters for Couples
- What do you listen to when you’re driving?
- What do you sing in the shower?
- Where do you feel most at home?
- Do you think happiness is overrated?
- Who makes you feel the happiest?
- Which skill would you instead learn: oil painting outdoors, barefoot waterskiing, coding, or opera singing?
- Who in your life do you feel safest with?
- Is it better to share your emotions or keep them to yourself?
- Which State would you visit if you could?
- Who is the most generous person you know?
- Is it essential for you to fit in?
- Are you an optimist or a pessimist?
- What makes you feel nostalgic?
- Is there a place or a time in your life you wish you could return to?
- What was the most significant trouble you got into in school?
- What do you like to listen to or watch when you’re cleaning?
- Do you prefer to be the driver or the passenger?
Watch our video below to learn why couples fight:
Deep Conversation Starters for Couples
- Do I make you a better person, or do you feel like I sometimes hold you back from reaching your potential?
- Do you feel I take too much control in our relationship, or do you wish I would be more assertive?
- Do you plan to care for your parents in their old age? Would you be willing for us to do the same for my parents if they need it?
- If/when we get married, what expectations do you have for our finances? Separate bank accounts? Or a combination of individual and shared accounts?
- What kind of wedding do you want? Big or small? How are we going to pay for it?
- Where would you want to go on our honeymoon?
- How does your family express love?
- Have you ever used recreational drugs?
- What things make you worry?
- What do you do for self-care?
- Do you have any physical limitations or health concerns?
- How do you think countries should respond to refugees?
- What spiritual practice from another religion than yours do you admire?
- If you had to be silent for 3 days, what would you do, and how do you think you would feel?
- What family members do you admire the most? Why?
- Are you comfortable talking about your feelings? Why or why not?
- How do you think others would describe you? How would you describe yourself?
Conversation Starters for Married Couples
Some of these questions may feel heavy or morbid. Still, as a married couple, it’s essential to take care of medical and financial questions before an emergency.
- Is there anyone you don’t talk to anymore that you wish you still did? Would you like to invite them over for dinner or plan an outing with them?
- What’s your favorite thing about being married?
- What goals should we have as a couple?
- Do we need to reassess our spending habits?
- How do you feel about being an organ donor?
- Would you want to be resuscitated, or do you want to have a DNR (do not resuscitate)?
- If a relative needs financial help, how would we handle that? Are there situations where we would or wouldn’t help? What stipulations would we make?
- Do we both have our wills sorted out?
- What kind of health insurance or other insurance should we have?
- What do we want to save for?
- How can we be better parents?
- Are we drifting apart? What can we do to change that?
- Are there any topics you feel uncomfortable talking about to me? Is that because of how I’ve responded in the past?
- Is there anyone at work that you feel offers you more support than you get from me? How can I make you feel more supported?
- Do you feel like both of our dreams and feelings are important, or do you think one of us gets the priority of time and finances for their dream? If so, is that OK for this season, or does something need to change?
- Do you feel we balance our time well between your parents and my parents?
- How can we give back to our community? Would you like to volunteer together?
- Are we spending enough time together? What can we reassess or change so that we can be together more?
Fun Conversation Starters for Couples
- What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever eaten?
- What food best depicts your personality?
- What conspiracy theory do you secretly think is true?
- If you could choose a new name, what would it be? Do you feel like your real name matches your personality?
- What personality trait or quirk did you inherit from one of your parents?
- What personality trait do you wish you could pass down to your kids?
- When it comes to brownies, which do you choose? Center or corner?
- What would you do if I ate the last piece of sushi?
- In a bucket of fried chicken, which piece do you prefer?
- What’s the strangest thing in your search history?
- What’s your sing-along style? Whisper? Yell the chorus? Mouth the words? Hum?
- Mild, Medium, or Spicy?
- Imagine you suddenly meet a talking bear while walking in the forest. What does he say?
- If you could make up a word to describe our relationship, what would it be?
- Would you rather spend every Saturday morning with your boss or every Saturday morning running a 5K?
- Would you rather direct a movie or be the lead actor/actress?
- Would you rather lose your home and all your possessions or not be able to have contact with your family?
Conversation Starters for Couples Texting
- Would you rather be a millionaire and have to go back to high school or be a millionaire and have to give 90% of your income to charity?
- What’s one thing you wish you could change in your life?
- Emoji movie game. Use emojis to describe a movie and have your partner guess the answer. Can you think of this one? 🐀🥘🧑🍳 Or this one? 👦🎄🏠
- What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve done in front of someone you liked?
- What are you reading right now?
- I miss you. 😚 Tell me something to make me feel less lonely.
- What weird smell do you like?
- Best movie quote ever?
- What was the worst text you accidentally sent?
Conversations Starters for DM’s
- You look incredible in that pic. Where was it taken?
- I had no idea we both loved ____ (insert shared interest)! How long have you been into that?
- Are you watching ____ (insert name of series)? I need someone to talk to about the last episode!
- I didn’t know you were friends with ___ too! Where do you know them from?
- Did you see this ____ (insert a link to an interesting article)? What do you think about ____ (insert exciting question related to the article)?
- Where are you watching the game tomorrow? Fans should stick together.
- You have great taste in music. What’s your favorite song?
- I was thinking about going to that restaurant. What do you recommend I get? 🤷🏽♀️ Better yet, want to go together?
Late Night Conversation Starters for Couples
- How do you feel about work tomorrow?
- What did you think of me when you first met me?
- What helps you fall asleep?
- Did your mom or dad sing to you at night when you were little?
- Is there a song that makes you think of me? If so, why?
- What is one thing you could never give up?
- How did/would you describe me to your friends?
- How was your day?
- What are you looking forward to tomorrow?
- What movie couple do you think we’re like?
- Do you remember your first sleepover as a kid? Tell me about it.
- What are your dreams like?
- What would you put on your tombstone if you could write it?
- What’s a family secret that not even your family talks about?
- Does thinking about outer space make you feel small and afraid, or does it excite you?
- What do you think is our responsibility to the earth?
- Are there any friends or family you feel primarily responsible for?
Intimate Conversation Starters for Couples
- What do you feel if I still don’t understand about you?
- What is something we have in common that you love?
- What do we have in common that both of us need to change?
- What is your favorite kind of physical touch?
- What do I do that makes you feel invisible or unappreciated?
- How can I best show my love for you in public?
- What qualities make you attracted to me?
- Are you happy with our relationship?
- Do you feel connected when we have sex?
- Are you satisfied with our physical intimacy?
- What do you think could improve our communication?
- Do you trust me?
- What relationship do you admire most?
- Is there anything worrying you about our relationship?
- How do you feel about the person I am today compared to when we started dating?
- How do you feel about who you are becoming?
- What do I do that makes you angry?
Conversation Starters for New Couples
- If you have a need, will you tell me? Or do you usually imply or drop hints about what you need and want?
- Are you comfortable with public displays of affection?
- What’s your favorite thing to do when you’re alone?
- Do you like to have space in a new relationship, or do you prefer to spend all your time together?
- What did you learn from your last relationship?
- What are you hoping for in our relationship?
- Do you like to go on adventures, or prefer quieter activities like watching movies or visiting a museum?
- What’s your favorite comfort food?
- Do you prefer to eat out or eat in?
- What’s a mistake you made that you wouldn’t change because of the lesson you learned from it?
- How do you balance life and work?
- What are you looking for in a partner?
- What are your views on therapy? Have you ever been in therapy? How has that impacted your life and relationships?
- What does open communication look like for you?
- Tell me about one of your holiday memories.
- What are your spiritual views?
- How do you handle conflict in a relationship?
Random Conversation Starters for Couples
- What did you do for fun as a kid?
- Who was your best friend when you were 10? Are you still friends?
- How is your workout program going? Do you need an exercise buddy?
- Kayaking or stand-up paddle boarding?
- Summer or winter?
- Worst gift you ever got?
- What were you like in high school?
- What teacher most impacted you (positively or negatively)? Why?
- How much say should grandparents have in the life of their grandkids?
- Where/when was the most beautiful night sky you’ve ever seen?
- Tell me about a travel disaster you’ve had.
- Which is worse, the middle seat on an airplane or the front row seat at a movie theater?
- What was your favorite truth or dare question?
- How do you feel about change?
- What’s your favorite winter meal?
- What’s your favorite summer drink?
- What’s your most valuable possession? (Not including your phone!)
Dinner Conversation Starters for Couples
- Do you like to dance? What kind of dancing do you prefer?
- What do you think about neighborhood gardens?
- What was your hometown like?
- Do you have a pet?
- Do you think it’s possible to have an excellent work-life balance?
- What problem do you wish you could solve in the world?
- How do you think romcoms and action movies impact our view of relationships?
- What movie best depicts modern life?
- What period in history do you find the most interesting?
- How do you think technology will change the world in the next 10 years?
- What did you study at college? What was your favorite thing about your field of study?
- Are your dreams more of a compass or a wishing well?
- Is there one moment in your life that has become a cornerstone to everything else? For example, do you think of things in your life as being “before X” or “after X”?
- Do you ever experience imposter syndrome? What do you do?
- Do you have a habit that you do every day?
- Talk shows are overrated. True or false?
- Do you have a 5-year plan, or do you prefer to take each moment as it comes?
Engaging Conversations for Couples
- What music do you love when driving?
- Your go-to shower song?
- Where do you feel most at home?
- Thoughts on happiness?
- Who makes you happiest?
- Pick a skill to learn: painting, waterskiing, coding, or opera singing?
- Who do you feel safest with?
- Share or keep emotions to yourself?
- Dream state to visit?
- Most generous person you know?
- Fit in or stand out?
- Optimist or pessimist?
- Nostalgic triggers?
- Return to a time or place?
- School trouble?
- Cleaning soundtrack: What’s on it?
- Driver or passenger preference?
- Do I make you better or hold you back?
- Control dynamics in our relationship?
- Caring for aging parents?
- Finances in our future?
Need some help building a loving relationship? Check out our ultimate guide on How to Be Happy in a Relationship.
Watch our video below to learn the science of connection for couples, with John Howard: